Letters
by Yahnkehy
Summary: Miaka finds some old letters... that lead to a new begining. Yep, I'm continuing it ::grin::
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I was feeling a bit angsty. Here's the result.

Warning: ANGST!

**Letters**

It's been 10 years since I was in the Universe of the Four Gods, and in that ten years almost one hundred have passed there. My two remaining Seishi have long since been dead, a fact that made me weep all the more over what was laying across my lap.

His last gifts to me.

Three letters tied neatly in ancient twine with the abbreviated form of my name scrawled across the front. I'm not sure how they got here, but my guess is that Taiitsukun wanted me to have them. May her disgusting face scare virtuous fools for another hundred thousand years.

My hands trembled as I glanced over the newest of these ancient writings. This one isn't written in his hand and my heart drops in fear. Something in me doesn't want to read that one until last, who was I to ignore instinct. Swiftly refolding the letter and shifting them around to put the oldest one on top, I snapped up the first letter and glance at the bold writing on the outside.

Tasuki. Even when writing he has to stand out.

I carefully unfold the yellowed scrap of parchment and read it aloud.

"_Dear Mi-chan,_

_Ya've been gone fer two months now and I finally get it. It wasn't my fault. That night at the inn was a mistake and if that bastard hadn't put that fuckin' spell on me, you'd never a known how I felt about ya._

_Ya see Mi-chan, I love ya. I always have an' I guess I always will. There's no changin' it so I ain't gonna try, but I knew that ya'd never see me that way. I was yer aniki, th' one ya leaned on when ya needed strength or came to when ya needed ta laugh. If I wasn't such a dumbass I wouldda let that be enough. 'Course I couldn't do that, I'm too much of a dumb-shit bandit what got no sense but ta follow 'is heart even if'n he knew it was one sided._

_That ain't yer fault; it's mine an' I'm sorry. Ya hated me when ya left that last time an' I don't blame ya; I scared th' shit outta ya an' I almost took what wasn't mine ta take._

_I don't want ya feelin' bad about this, Mi-chan. This is all my doin', but I hadda let ya know how sorry I am about everythin'. I hope that one day you can forgive me fer bein' th' way I am._

_I gotta go now, Mi-chan. 'Chiri's callin' me an' we gotta git goin'._

_I'll write again soon._

_Gen-chan"_

He loved me, but felt as if he wasn't good enough. I sighed, set down the letter and picked up the second, this one I read to myself. I feared that what he had written would make me feel even worse for never telling him just how much I cared for him.

_"Mi-chan,_

_It's been twenty years since my first letter to ya. Yeah, said I'd be writin' soon but I just never got around to it. Sorry 'bout that, but since ya'll never read these anyway I guess it's no problem._

'_Chiri moved in ta th' Stronghold 'bout three years ago, said he was sick a travelin' an' wanted ta be with someone what knew him for who he was or some shit. Kouji an' I got together an' we got ol' monk boy blind stinkin' drunk his second night back. I'm kinda glad we did, it was funny as hell ta see 'im stumblin' 'round tryin' ta chase th' little red headed chibi's he swore were tryin' ta steal 'is kasa. Kouji thought it was th' greatest, an' it only seemed right when the two of 'em got it together enough ta give a relationship a go._

_Yeah, 'Chiri an' Kouji. A couple. No DA! Heh, they deserve it. Both of 'em been alone fer so long after havin' their families ripped away from 'em, that I didn't even bat an eye when they told me they was in love. It was kinda freaky thinkin' of 'em that a'way, but I can't stand in th' way a love._

_That brings me 'round ta what I've been doin' these last twenty years. Had a fling with a girl in town nearby, she had a son 'bout nine months later. Named 'im Genrou, after his papa. I been takin' care of both of 'em, sendin' what okane I could an' makin' sure they was fine. Lil' Genrou's growin' up fast. Has his papa's good looks an' his ma's quick temper. Not to mention his chibi fangs! Yep, passed 'em on to 'nother generation. He's 12 now, spittin' image a me. Kinda scary when ya think 'bout it. Me. A Papa!_

_I still love ya, Mi-chan. It's as true now as it was in my first letter to ya. Just 'cause I gotta kid now an' ain't tryin' ta kill myself tryin' ta forget ya don't mean I stopped missin' an' wantin' ya. If ya dropped outta th' sky right now an' said ya loved me an' never wanted ta part from me again, I'd grab ya up an' never let go. _

_Shit, there I go again. Fuck! I didn't mean ta bring all that shit up again, but since ya ain't ever gonna read this; I guess it's okay ta say it again._

_I love ya. With every breath I take, I love ya._

_Love,_

_Gen-chan"_

A son! That is so great! He must have gotten over what he felt for me enough to let himself be happy, even if it was only for a short time.

I wish I had that advantage. Taka and I broke up not long after we'd gotten back from the book and he and Yui have been together now for six years.

I can't help but wonder if Tasuki was the one I was meant to love forever. I mean I love Tasuki, but I don't know if it is the kind of love that would have kept us happy and together, but I wish I had taken the chance to find out.

My hands shake yet again as I pick up the last letter. I know there is something written in there that I don't want to know, but if I don't read it…

Taking a deep breath, I unfolded the letter.

"_Miaka-chan,_

_Genrou insisted that I write to ya in the event of his death and tell ya how he died. I found him this mornin' sprawled out on the floor of his room, clutching a knife in one hand and the pho-to-graph of all the Seishi in the other. Beside him was a note that I put in with this letter fer you._

_I read the other letters he wrote to ya and have ta tell ya that there are some whoppin' lies in 'em. He has no son, it ain't been twenty years and I am not with Chichiri. It's been four months since ya left and Genrou wasted away t'skin an' bones. He didn't sleep or eat for the last month a his life unless he was held down and forced to. He was hallucinatin' badly and may a actually thought that the things he wrote were true._

_I know Chichiri don't blame ya for Genrou's death, but I do. You were such a sweet kid when I met ya an' Genrou loved ya so much, but ya didn't even look at 'im. Treated 'im like he was worthless, like he meant nothin' to ya. Ya took away my best friend when ya first came here, but in th' end ya took his life when ya left. I hate ya for killin' him, but I know he died happy 'cause now he ain't gotta remember ya anymore. _

_How could you? How could ya know how much he loved ya an' not give a damn? If you'd a looked at him just once, really fuckin' looked at him, you'd a seen that no matter what ya did ta him he was gonna love ya till he died. And now he's dead. He don't love ya anymore an' he can rest in peace._

_Kouji_ " 

I felt tears slip down my cheeks as the utter hate of Kouji's words filled my head. He was right, I did kill Tasuki. I had known how much he loved me and I didn't care, I didn't want anyone but Tamahome. I couldn't see that what I felt for Tamahome was just a schoolgirl crush, while what I felt for Tasuki might have been the real thing. It kills me to know that he didn't live long after I left and that his last days were filled with so much agony that he stopped caring for himself.

A small scrap of paper fell out of the hate-filled letter from Kouji; it was dotted with dark brown splotches and had a few old tear streaks on it. I flipped it over and read the three words Genrou had written before he took his own life.

_"Wo ai ni" _

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Angst, yeah. R&R, please.

V.M.


	2. Light at the End of the Tunnel

Light at the End of the Tunnel 

By: Yahnkehy... V.M. eheheheh...

Warnings: A bit of angst, sap, and mush; nothing too bad.

A/N: I wrote this as a way to get my muse rolling again and to perhaps give some closure to my fic "Letters". Hope you enjoy.

oooo

Its been two weeks since I opened his letters; two weeks since I was lasthappy, and the burden of being the cause of anyone's death- much less Tasuki's- is starting to take its toll.

I haven't slept much in the last weeks. Every time I close my eyes I see Kouji's accusing eyes and Tasuki's lifeless body laying in a pool of his own blood. No, I don't sleep much anymore. Who could?

I take long walks now, through the park not too far from my apartment. The beauty of the pond and flowering trees calms me as nothing else can, and being surrounded by nature's gifts of love and beauty reminds me of Tasuki. I often sit in the large peony garden. Their red blossoms make me think of him; deep crimson petals surrounding golden stamens powdered with pollen.

I sit here, surrounded by loveliness, and can't let go of the image of his exuberant smile as he tried to cheer me after Tamahome had done something to make me cry. He used to do that quite often and I wonder why I never realized his feelings for me sooner than I had.

Had I really blinded myself to, what might have been,true love in my need to make Tamahome love me, even though it was right in my face? With a sigh, I had to answer that truthfully.

Yes. I had.

People walk through the park around me; their soft laughter and conversation swirl around my head and I look up. Watching with a soul deep yearning as lovers walked hand in hand, leaning against each other and enjoying being in love. Would I ever have that? Do I _deserve_ that?

A flash of color grabs my attention away from the laughing lovers and drags it over to a group of men playing football in an open field across the pond from me. The color that had grabbed my attention has vanished under the pile of guys, it seems as if its been tackled.

I stifle a laugh at their antics and watch as the mass of bodies sorts itself out, the color of fire again grabs my attention as a man on the bottom emerges with a laugh and tosses the ball to one of his other friends.

My breath catches.

It can't be, he's dead! Kouji's letter had confirmed that!

He looks so like Tasuki that I find myself walking around the pond to get closer before I realized I had moved and I stop at the edge of the playing field. Watching him move and run around with all the happiness Tasuki used to show when the seishi had played around together, makes my heart ache.

The ball flies wildly out of another man's grasp to land at my feet and the red haired man comes to pick it up. I gasp; he looks just like Tasuki, flaming red hair, amber eyes and rakish smirk are all there.

He grins at me, revealing a set of longish canines that bracketed his smile. "Hey, wanna come cheer us on? We're kinda lackin' in th' cheerleader pool."

He even sounds the same; I smile at him and nod. "Sure."

A happy smile curves his lips as I follow him to the group of men, "Name's Tsubasa, an' y'are?"

I giggle and offer mine in return; his name fits him… the symbol of my lost seishi.

As we get closer to the group of men he'd been playing football with, I notice that they look familiar. Very familiar.

Oh gods! It's Kouji, Chichiri and a few of the bandits! My heart stops and my steps falter as I read the frown in the Kouji look-a-like'seyes. Though his face, scar and eyes are the same, his hair isn't the midnight blue from the book. Now it seems to be a reddish blonde. Those emerald eyes are giving me a 'go-to-hell' look.

Even in this world he still hates me, if he is indeed the reincarnation of Kouji.

Chichiri was a lot different than he'd been in the book. His bangs still defied gravity, but was a nice chocolate brown that seemed to shimmer in the sunlight and his smiling face was free of the troubles of his previous life.

I know I was jumping to conclusions by assuming that these were the men I had known in the book, but Taka had done it so why not Tasuki, Kouji and Chichiri?

Tas-… Tsubasa turned when I slowed down and grabbed my hand, tugging me in to the circle of his friends. "This here's Yuuki Miaka an' she's gonna be our cheerleader,"

I nodded shyly at the men surrounding me, feeling as if my life may take a much different path than it might have if I hadn't read those letters and, in effect, begun spending my free time here in the park.

I felt a shiver of celestial fingers in the mix of this meeting and can only thank Taiitsukun and Suzaku for giving me a chance to make things right.

I will do things right this time; just watch me.

o

So. Is that alright? I was afraid I got a bit wordy with the descriptions of Kouji and Chichiri but I needed to show what she was seeing. shrugs

Maybe I'm trying too hard to make things turn out happily but I couldn't leave Miaka and Tasuki in that situation. Hope it was okay even though it was really short.

LOVE!

V.M.


End file.
